Validating Emotions: Why Acknowledgment Doesn’t Mean Approval
In conversations about mental health and emotional well-being, the concept of validation often comes up. Many people misunderstand what it truly means to validate someone’s emotions, feelings, or ideas. Some think that validation means agreement, justification, or even approval. However, in reality, validation is simply the act of acknowledging a person's internal experience as real and understandable—even if it is not rational, morally right, or aligned with our own beliefs.
What Does It Mean to Validate?
Validation is about recognizing and accepting that a person’s feelings, thoughts, or experiences are real for them. It does not mean endorsing harmful behaviors, destructive thoughts, or negative emotions. Instead, it creates space for open communication, emotional processing, and deeper self-awareness.
When we validate, we are saying:
"I see you. I hear you."
"Your emotions are valid because they are real to you."
"It makes sense that you feel this way given your experiences."
This does not mean we are saying:
"You are right to feel this way."
"Your perspective is the absolute truth."
"You should act on this feeling."
Why Validation is Important for Mental Health
In Positive Psychology, validation plays a crucial role in emotional resilience, self-acceptance, and interpersonal relationships. People thrive when they feel heard and understood. Conversely, emotional invalidation—dismissing, ignoring, or belittling someone’s feelings—can lead to shame, self-doubt, and even deeper emotional distress.
Imagine someone expressing anxiety about a situation, and the response they receive is, “You’re overreacting. Just get over it.” This dismisses their emotions, making them feel unseen and unheard. On the other hand, if we say, “I can see that this situation is really stressing you out. That makes sense, given what you’re dealing with.”, the person feels understood, which can help them process their emotions more effectively.
Validating Without Encouraging Harm
While validation is about acknowledging emotions, it is not about condoning harmful behaviors or destructive thoughts. For example:
If someone is angry and wants to hurt someone, validating their anger is not the same as agreeing with their desire for violence. Instead, you might say, “I can see that you’re really angry right now. It makes sense that you feel that way, but let’s talk about ways to handle this anger safely.”
If someone is deeply sad and expressing hopelessness, validation does not mean reinforcing that hopelessness. Instead, you can say, “I hear that you’re feeling really low right now. That’s a hard place to be. You’re not alone, and I want to support you.”
In these cases, validation helps de-escalate emotions and opens the door for problem-solving, self-reflection, and emotional growth.
How to Practice Healthy Validation
Here are some simple ways to validate others while maintaining a responsible and supportive approach:
Listen Actively – Give your full attention. Avoid interrupting or rushing to fix the problem.
Reflect Back – Repeat or summarize what the person is saying to show you understand. Example: “It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated because…”
Acknowledge the Emotion – Even if you don’t agree with their perspective, recognize their feelings. Example: “I can see why this is upsetting for you.”
Offer Support, Not Justification – Validation doesn’t mean fueling negativity. Instead of saying, “You’re right to be angry, they’re terrible,” try “It’s completely understandable that you’re upset. How can I support you in handling this?”
Encourage Healthy Processing – If emotions are intense, suggest coping strategies, self-reflection, or seeking professional help when needed.
Conclusion
Validation is a powerful tool in fostering emotional connection, self-awareness, and resilience. It creates a safe space where people can express their emotions without fear of judgment. However, it’s important to remember that validation does not mean agreement or justification, especially when emotions lead to harmful thoughts or actions. By practicing mindful validation, we can support others in their emotional journeys while promoting positive mental health and well-being.